How to Be an Ally on December 17th (and Beyond)

December 17^th is the International Day to End Violence against Sex Workers. It is a day of mourning, but it’s also a moment for allies and friends to show their support for individuals in the sex trade. If you’ve never been involved with December 17^th before, or are considering how you might be an ally to sex workers year round, here’s a list of three ways to be an ally on this very somber, but important day.

1. Listen to the stories of people in the sex trade.

Transactional sex is a complicated and complex world of experiences. There are sex workers who feel incredibly empowered and excited by their work. There are queer youth living on the streets, trading sex for food and shelter. There are single mothers with children, trying to survive, engaging in work they would rather not be doing. There are individuals who have been coerced by another into trading sex for the profit of others. There is no one story about how transactional sex happens and no one story is more valid than another. Different people have different choices that they can make and circumstance plays a large party in any profession someone chooses.

One the greatest ways you can be an ally is to listen to people’s stories as their own. Respect that everyone is an expert of their own experience and that nothing you have heard before about sex work, survival sex or sex trafficking will tell you what that particular person thinks and feels about their own life. Consider the possibility that the statistics you may have heard on the news, the stories you may have read online or the anecdotal messages you’ve been given about transactional sex may not be the whole story and, at the very least, are not the story of the person in front of you.

If you have never met someone who identifies as a sex worker, attend a sex worker event. If you live in New York City, you can attend the Red Umbrella Diaries (which is also available as a podcast). Consider your own concerns, hang-ups and potential prejudices when listening to folks speak about their experiences in the sex trade. What is difficult to hear, and why? Be thoughtful about what is hard to hear or doesn’t sit right with you. Consider how your own upbringing and background may be a factor in how you perceive the sex industry or people involved in the sex trade. Take what you hear and think about your experience and share it with your friends, partners and coworkers. Engage them in more conversations about what’s interesting, troubling or somewhere in between.

2. Advocate where advocacy is needed.

While most sex work is illegal in the United States, the ways that individuals in the sex trade are affected by stigma and discrimination go beyond their illegal work status. Like any stigma or prejudice, discrimination that is supported by laws leads to further criminalization, more individuals working in unsafe conditions or being unable to report a crime against them if they experience violence from a client. Being silenced out of shame or fear can have very real consequences for one’s safety and wellbeing.

Beyond being made invisible or insignificant by laws that criminalize their work and a society that supports their invisibility and insignificance, sex workers face day to day realities of having limited access to services and healthcare. Many individuals in the sex trade are unable to disclose to medical providers, for fear of shaming or misunderstanding of their work. Many social services providers are unacquainted with sex worker experiences, or treat sex workers as victims of their own poor choices. Some people expect sex workers to be trauma victims, believing that all people engaging in transactional sex are sexual trauma survivors or come from backgrounds of violence and abuse.

If you work with medical providers, social workers, psychiatrists, teachers, case managers, or anyone in an educational or clinical setting, ask them how much they know about the sex trade. Consider what kind of answer they give you. Do they view the sex trade through a singular lens? Do they see the multifaceted nature of sex trade experiences? Do they know how they might talk to a sex worker competently, if they were to have one as a client or patient? Take the time to educate yourself and those around you on the issues those in the sex trade face. Being educated and aware is the first step you can take to being an affirming and empowering ally.

If you are interested in having a training for your office or organization about how to speak to sex workers with sensitivity and care, contact your local Sex Workers Outreach Project for more information. If you are a student, start a conversation about the sex trade in a feminist group or LGBT organization. Consider conducting a panel discussion or organizing a workshop.

3. Attend a December 17^th event, in any way you can.

If you can attend a December 17^th event in person, it is a wonderful opportunity to support those in the sex trade as an ally. However, not everyone lives near an event or has the means to get to one. Change your Facebook or Twitter photo to a December 17^th logo. Read and repost articles about sex workers and violence, such as this one from Annie Sprinkle on how to help stop violence against sex workers, and start conversations with your friends, partners, families, coworkers and neighbors. Get involved in the conversation online. Think about ways you can support every day of the year, not just December 17^th. Hopefully, the ways listed above will get your started. Above all, remember that December 17^th is a day of remembrance, so take a few quiet moments to experience the memories of sex workers who have been lost this year and what that means to you on this day.